Remember the Men

Since the emergence of the Feminist Movement in the twentieth century, much focus has been placed, and rightfully so, on remedying the conditions that contributed to the mistreatment and neglect of women. National and international laws, including affirmative action, have attempted to narrow the gap between the genders.

Society imposes certain roles on men as it does on women. The negative effects of such roles on the men have usually gone unrecognized. While men, as a gender, have generally not been oppressed by women or by society, they have been socialized into roles that have added to their burden and compromised their physical and emotional health.

The primary responsibility of providing for the family and the socio-economic pressures that ensued have led, over time, to an identity stereotype that is based on a strong work ethic, long work hours, and degree of financial success. There are cultural differences, of course, across groups, nations, and families. Traditionally, farming communities relied on the labor of both men and women. In modern times, and in an industrialized and market economy, the “traditional” breadwinning roles between men and women have become more defined, with the men making most of the money and controlling it and the women staying at home and working on the domestic front.

Gender roles began shifting in the 1960s in a post-industrialized world where the structure and definition of family were changing. Two-parent, male and female, households and extended families are no longer the norm. With such changes, some of the economic burdens have shifted to women, leading many women with small children into the mainstream work force, therefore increasing their level of stress. Most women have, however, entered the work force as a means of independence and self-reliance. Despite that fact, the self esteem of men is still centered on the work place. In a way, the burdens of both have increased in a market economy.

Men have traditionally encountered emotional and physical issues that are peculiar to their gender due to society’s expectations and due to their work burdens. Society tends to be more accepting of less economic achievement and less physical, mental, or emotional “courage” from women than from men. In situations where men have been emotionally, mentally, or even physically, abused by women or other men, society is very harsh in the way it treats the male victim. Men are usually laughed at or asked to just deal with it, actions we would never even contemplate repeating if the woman were the victim.

Some of the jobs that have been held mostly by men include the following: the military (with certain branches being solely theirs), construction and other physically demanding jobs, contractor jobs in war torn areas, rescue workers, presidents, heads of corporations, mining, and critical medicine. Men sometimes bury their sorrows in alcohol or work; they become alcoholics or workaholics. When anger builds up without proper family or community support, they lash out and, sometimes very violently. Suicide is a real issue among men. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

- Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death for all U.S. men;

- Males are four times as likely to die from suicide than females although three times as many women as men attempt suicide (CDC 2004);

- In 2001, suicide took the lives of 30, 622 people, 24, 672 of whom were men (CDC 2004);

- Of the 24,672 male suicide deaths reported in 2001, 60% involved the use of a firearm;

- In 2005, 4 people out of 100,000 in the United States died of injuries at work. Males accounted for 93% of those deaths at a rate 12 times that of women;

- The leading causes of death of men of all races in the United States in 2002 are the following in descending order: heart disease, cancer, unintentional injuries, stroke, chronic respiratory diseases, diabetes, influenza and pneumonia, suicide, kidney disease, and chronic liver disease.

There is evidence to suggest that more women than men suffer from depression. Men, however, are more reluctant to seek help due to the social stigma of mental difficulties. Men do not report such difficulties because they are afraid of losing their jobs or because of self-esteem considerations. That is one reason why men can feel trapped in a society that does not encourage verbal or emotional expression to release tension and why they are more successful in their suicide attempts.

Suffering in silence is the burden that we, as a society, have encouraged by our neglect of the issues that face men in a world that values appearances and materialism over holistic well-being and in a world that emphasizes our differences versus our commonalities.

Men may have historically had the upper hand as a group in most spheres in life. As individuals, however, they have faced horrendous circumstances in addition to their daily responsibilities with the “understanding” that they should “tough it out” because they are men. This is an inhuman and very detrimental outlook and it devalues the other 48% of our species.

People returning from the war zones of the Middle East are mostly men. They are in need of much emotional and financial support. Are we astute enough to notice what they are going through or do we continue to live by the motto “don’t show and don’t tell?”

June is International Men's Month. This is a good website for resources on men's issues. http://www.menstuff.org/frameindex.html.

Clowns Without Borders

Along the lines of Doctors Without Borders and Artists Without Border, Clowns Without Borders (CWB) offer children around the world the opportunity to maintain a sense of childhood and laughter in the middle of conflict and violence. CWB organizations can be found in the United States, Canada, France, Belgium, Spain, and Sweden. They visit different areas of conflict around the world.

Their motto: No Child Without a Smile

Children's Wellbeing: How the Richest Nations Care for Their Most Vulnerable

The true measure of a nation’s standing is how well it attends to its children – their health and safety, their material security, their education and socialization, and their sense of being loved, valued, and included in the families and societies into which they are born.

The recent Innocenti Report Card published in 2007 by UNICEF on the status of children in the wealthiest countries has shown one stark fact; that wealth is not an indicator of the well-being of children.

Twenty-one of the wealthiest nations were studied using 6 measurable dimensions: 1) material well-being, 2) health and safety, 3) educational well-being, 4) family and peer relationships, 5) behaviors and risks, and 6) subjective well-being.

1) Material well-being: three components were measured under this one; relative income poverty, households without jobs, and reported deprivation. US rank=15/21, well below the average.

2) Health and safety: 3 components were measured; health at age 0-1, preventative health services, and safety. US rank=21/21, the worst with high accidental death rates for children and infants.

3) Educational wellbeing: 3 components were measured; school achievement at age 15, beyond basics, and the transition to employment. 11/21.

4) Relationships: 3 components were measured: family structure, family relationships, and peer relationships. US rank=20/21.

5) Behaviors and risks: 3 components were measured: health behaviors, risk behaviors, and experience of violence. US rank 20/21.

6) Subjective wellbeing: 3 components; health, school life, and personal wellbeing. Information for overall US ranking is not available.

The study highlights the fact that there is serious child neglect in the richest countries. In a decade where we are spending billions of dollars every month to finance wars and to give tax breaks to large corporations, it is apparent that children are not benefiting from the wealth we have.

Do we need to change our moral framework of thinking to place the rights of the most vulnerable human beings above the bottom line? Should we advocate for the welfare of our children along human rights lines by making it illegal and immoral to neglect their overall wellbeing because we are too busy working, not parenting, and fighting wars that serve no constructive purpose? Can we make access to proper education, health care, and fulfilling life opportunities available in a well-planned and future oriented manner?

Children are the future. They are our collective investment as a humanity. How well we treat them and nurture their best qualities will determine our fate as a species.

For the full report: Child Poverty in Perspective: An overview of child well-being in rich countries. A comprehensive assessment of the lives and well-being of children and adolescents in the economically advanced nations

UNICEF

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a worldwide problem that cuts across cultural, religious, socio-economic and gender boundaries. It remains a far underreported problem and a culturally acceptable or ignored aspect of family and community life. The following statistics portray the national problem and give some helpful information. It impacts children as well who may end up becoming abusers or abused themselves. All information is obtained from the website of the Women's Shelter SLO

http://www.womensshelterslo.org/index.htm

Marilyn.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women, more than muggings, stranger rape, and car accidents combined.

• The United Way ranks domestic violence as the leading cause of birth defects.

• 3-4 million women are beaten by their husbands or boyfriends every year.

• A man beats his partner every 13 seconds.

• 1 out of every 2 women will be physically abused by their partner at least once.

• 4000 women and children are beaten to death every year .

• At least 25% of domestic violence victims are beaten while pregnant.

• 50% of all homeless women and children are fleeing domestic violence situations.

• 79% of spousal abuse is committed by men after the woman leaves.

• An intimate male partner murdered 42% of all female homicide victims.

• More than three million children witness acts of domestic violence every year.

• 95% of boys and 72 % of girls witnessing domestic violence will carry abuse into their own relationships.

• 1 out of 3 high school relationships includes domestic violence or rape.

• On average, a women is beaten 9 times before she placed the first call to police for help; only 7% of spousal assaults are reported to the police.

• 57% of women who are physically abused by their partners never tell anyone.

• 40% of assaults committed by a male partner on women begin during the first pregnancy; pregnant women are at twice the risk of battery.

Department of Justice Stats

Myths and Realities of Domestic Violence

Myth: The problem of domestic violence is greatly exaggerated.

Reality: National statistics reveal that every year three to four million women are beaten by their husbands or boyfriends, and every day, four die. Battery is the single most common cause of injury to women, more than auto accidents, rapes or muggings combined. Physical abuse is cited as the cause of one fourth of all suicide attempts by women. Twenty percent of visits by women to emergency rooms are the result of battering by their husbands or boyfriends.

Myth: In terms of domestic violence and spouse abuse, men and women are equally violent.

Reality: National crime survey data show that men commit 95 percent of all assaults on female spouses or girlfriends. Forty percent of all female homicide victims are killed by their husbands or boyfriends; only10 percent of male homicide victims are killed by their wives or girlfriends, and of these 7 percent were killed in self defense.

Myth: Men and women have always fought; it is natural.

Reality: There is occasional conflict in every family and relationship, but there is no need for violence. Wife beating is a crime of rage, power, and control. The batterer often thinks he has the right to control his partner through any means, even beating. Violence is never an acceptable way to solve problems.

Myth: Domestic violence only happens in the lower economic classes and minority populations.

Reality: Domestic violence occurs in families from all social racial, economic, educational, and religious backgrounds. In occurs in towns, suburbs, rural areas, and neighborhoods. Battered women with few economic resources are more visible because they seek help from public agencies and are counted in statistics. Women from middle and upper economic groups are more likely to seek help from private agencies.

Myth: Battering usually only happens once. It should be a private family matter, not a crime.

Reality: A battering incident is rarely an isolated occurrence; beatings escalate in frequency and intensity. Assault is a crime whether it is committed within or outside the family.

Myth: Battered women are masochistic and crazy; they provoke and enjoy their abuse.

Reality: Women do not provoke or deserve battering. They deserve a violence-free life. As does happen with rape, the attempt is made to blame the victim for the behavior of the attacker. Abusers commonly blame minor frustrations, alcohol and drug abuse, and the words or behavior or their partner for their battering. Their violence, however, is their choice. There are non-violent ways to deal with their anger.

A battered woman's reactions to the violence are normal, given the circumstances, and the reactions are often necessary for survival. She is not crazy. She still hopes her partner will change, and indeed, he may show remorse and there may be some good times; however, the good times and remorse happen less and less over time.

Myth: Men who abuse women are mentally ill and not responsible for their actions.

Reality: Battering is a learned behavior from childhood experiences and from social messages condoning violence against women. Psychological tests have repeatedly shown that men who abuse women do not differ from the "normal" male. Lenore Walker's study showed that batterers had learned as children that violence was an appropriate response to anger. Abusers are not out of control, but are trying to get control over their partner with demands, threats, and physical abuse. They deny and minimize the violence, and blame their partners for their violence. Their violent behavior will continue as long as society continues to refuse to threat their violence as the serious crime that it is and impose serious consequences.

Myth: Alcohol and drug abuse cause domestic violence.

Reality: Alcohol and drug abuse do not cause domestic violence. The violence may be more severe, however, when alcohol or drugs are involved. Alcohol and drugs may also intensify existing violent behavior. Rates of simultaneously occurring domestic violence and alcohol abuse vary from as low as 25 percent in some studies, to as high as 80 percent in other studies.

Many batterers do not abuse alcohol or drugs and many alcohol or drug abusers do not batter. Chemical dependency treatment will not cure battering; the two problems need to be dealt with separately. The alcohol abuse rate for abused women is the same as that of the general female population, 7 to 14 percent. Their alcohol abuse does not justify their being battered.

Myth: Batterers cannot change.

Reality: The criminal justice system can hold batterers accountable for their actions and court order the choice of jail or counseling. Men who batter can learn to take responsibility for their own behavior and can learn non-violent ways to act and communicate. The programs for men who batter, however, are only as effective as the willingness of the batterer to change.

Myth: Once the battering stops, everything will be okay.

Reality: There is also psychological, emotional, and sexual abuse which often continues even when the battering has stopped. These behaviors must also stop before the healing can start.

Women who are abused feel fear, depression, anxiety, helplessness, anger and embarrassment. A lowered self-esteem can develop from constant insults and put downs by her abuser. She is often isolated by her partner and has lost touch with friends and family. She may be afraid that she will be blamed by them for the violence. The support of friends, family, and the community is necessary for her to recognize her strengths and to believe that she is a good person who deserves a violence-free life. Recovery from abuse is a process and can take a long time.

Myth: Domestic violence is only a family problem.

Reality: Domestic violence is still viewed by many as just a family problem, even though the effects are serious. It is a crime that can result in serious injury or death. Social problems such as alcoholism, drug addiction, juvenile delinquency, suicide, and runaway children are increased by violence in the home. Businesses lose $3 to 5 billion dollars each year because of absenteeism resulting from abuse, and $100 million in medical costs. Communities spend millions of dollars every year on intervention. Society suffers when individuals and families are destroyed by domestic violence.

Referenced from: Annotated Bibliogrpahy on "Spouse Abuse. Wife Abuse The Facts. Response to Violence in the Family and Sexual Assault." National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Report. April 1985 National Woman Abuse Prevention Project. 1989. Washington DC.